Skip to main content

Sandcastles

  Hey all, I am literally surrounded by life. The window in front of my desk looks out to my garden. The garden is lush green with knee high garlic and potato-onions, flowering arugula and crimson clover, along with second runs of spinach and cilantro getting ready to pick. Beside me under a grow light is a tray of tiny tomatoes, eggplant, peppers, sage, melons and squash. Lord the squash! Thinking the seed was old I heavily over seeded the little pots. I should be so vigorous in my old age. The thinning will be a problem but that is for another day. For now I needed to clear the pile of seed packets off the laptop and write. Write while Deb pulls dinner and a batch of cookies together in the kitchen and the dogs settle from our walk.

 Yup, surrounded by life but on a maudlin day. Last night and this morning was strong rain and the rest of the day has been a heavy grey overcast. It is the day before Easter which by Christian tradition is a day of joy. The Gospel accounts which precede Easter I heard while attending my first Good Friday Mass in some 50 years.  No matter your religious perspective on Christ, crucifixion is a horrific death to imagine. It struck me hard and I can't say wholly in a good way.

 Hardly as important but still a piece of my mind, serendipity lead me to read and finish on Friday THE WIDE WIDE SEA by Hampton Sides. This is a very well written and readable account of the final voyage of Captain James Cook. Captain Cook, as you likely know died in Hawaii. I knew very little more than that. He died brutally, along with others of his ships company and a number native Hawaiians. I can best describe the cause as cultural misunderstandings mixed with a heavy dose of all to common human willingness to escalate a bad situation to make it a horrible one. Read the book. I can only sincerely hope any would be President will.

 Of a more personal note Michael our dog trainer killed himself. He was a tall happy and energetic young man. A former Marine married to a beautiful woman, also a dog trainer, with two kids. They had purchased a property outside of town and seemed to Deb and me a together young couple pursuing a good life. I know we can never know another's reality but it was a shock.

  Perhaps less of a shock but more of a damn it, I received an update from my niece on her cancer. Lisa fought a brutal battle with breast cancer some years back that she had appeared to have 'won'. Her cancer reappeared over a year ago in a very virulent rapidly developed form that she has been getting treatment for.  In her update she simply said remission was now not judged possible and her radiation treatment would be to alleviate severe pain from some of the tumors. She is my niece so I will continue to pray and hope.

  Deb and I received word last night that our immediate neighbor, Jay, died Thursday while being operated on for his cancer. I didn't know he had cancer. His wife said he had sworn her to tell no one. He was an older man and I understand his desire for privacy. Still I wish my last conversation, just Wednesday, had been a bit more empathetic and less self serving.

  I'll add in one more dark note on last words. Deb sent me a link to a news organization that seems to be attempting to report news without bias either left or right (imagine that!). In reading a brief article on the National Archives releasing 'new' documents on the assassination of Senator Robert F. Kennedy in 1968 a link was provided to those documents. I'm no researcher but the link was very easy to follow if overwhelming in it's scope. I was 12 at the time of the Senator's murder and have only limited memories of the event. My rambling around brought me to the interview of Dr Abo, the first attending physician following the shooting. What caught me and smacked me was his description of Bobbie Kennedy, mortally wounded, taking his wife's hand and saying "Oh Ethyl". 

What to make of all this? You tell me. I've been too long attempting to be the seer warning to plant a garden and guard against a possible dark future. I still see all the ingredients to that bitter meal laid out. I thought spring was a time of dangerous change to watch and much has happened. Will spring and summer pass with me quietly sipping tea and tending my garden? Will August or October snap us to attention? Will the universe just laugh at my grandiosity and simply continue to make death and gloom of a more personal nature while it surrounds us with life and beauty?

  Like the Adam of my last few blogs I will work on my relationship with God. No doubt alternately cursing him, denying him, begging him to answer prayers. The Buddhist say that life is impermanent and interconnected. I take that to mean I should build some magnificent relationships and beautiful castles but know that both are sandcastles. Doug A.

 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Eat Pray Love

    Adam woke, to a sense of clarity. He felt like the the threads of the universe were connecting through his body. Every bird was sitting while he identified their call. Every word that he read fit like a puzzle piece in his mind. The air itself seemed more, more right. A manic morning and a time to avoid sharp tools? The pleasant hangover of a evening alone with Eve? Inhale deeply the morning air but tread lightly. The future was not mans to know! He no longer lived in The Garden. Yet he felt he could touch it. His arm, almost not his, reaching through a gossamer veil touching... Not the future, not truth, not any word that small more - je ne sais pas... more.   The peas were popping and the garlic and onions were reviving from their winter trials. So it was spring or perhaps a false spring as tomorrow would allow March to announce itself as either a lamb or a lion. But what would a wise man do on a perfect spring day. On a day when he could feel the universe coursing...
2 comments
Read more

Eating hope

 Adam sat in the sun huddled under a blanket Eve had knitted. Scattered to his right and left a sketch of his new garden and a half dozen seed catalogs. Eve called these his garden porn. To grow a garden you have to guess the future and act in the present. Importantly, that begins with a guess. Some parts were clear; the average last frost, which plants could survive frost, the needed indoor start time for those and the later plants. That schedule had to be married to the best guess of what he wanted to grow and what might grow, again a guess. Once past the guessing a brief bit of pleasure gathering the seeds and ordering what was missing.   Adam looked at the sketch and knew from past experience this was about as good as his garden would look. Sure there might be some unexpected wins, a seed or plant that surprised. The unexpected wins would be more than offset by bad weather, pests, or just hopes that never blossomed. Poppies make heroin. Hope is like heroin. Last year ...
1 comment
Read more

Bleeping grackles

 I've just spent the last 15 minutes searching bird guides on-line and on paper to try to figure out what is nesting in the grape arbor.  It looks like a nuthatch or wren that has dressed to go to work for UPS.  It's incredibly tiny and quite cute but clearly not one to be pushed around.  When I first saw it at the beginning of summer it was trying to take over a bird house I had created out of an old boot.  Some chickadees had moved in and I was thrilled to see the house used.  The chickadees had dutifully carried a boots worth of material from the yard to their nest.  At a moment when both the male and female were out collecting material my little UPS bird 'discovered' the boot.  He sat at the hole pulling material out.  Clearly their tastes in furnishings were different you could almost see him (her?) shaking his head "this straw with those drapes - come on!".  The chickadees returned and a battle royal ensued with it ending with two ...
5 comments
Read more

The tomatoes are red the gardener is blue

 I'm stuck in a loop. I think that's what software programmers call it. I know the roots of this hopelessness are firmly planted in the utter destruction of our cabin and property in the forest fire that I alluded to in the last blog's prologue. Knowing the source of a polluted stream doesn't really help if your just wallowing in it. It's the wallowing that is the loop. A sporadic series of should haves and could haves that leave you so second guessed out that I've got little mental energy to accomplish all but the littlest things. Musically speaking I got da blues!   The music is Billie Holiday - Lady in Autumn.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Npoe5XeeMYE&list=PLbYb5_Imn1rsDMoIU38jxi_O0aRaYj4CG 'cause given my mood - well, it was the obvious choice.   If you're a libertarian like me it's hard not to on occasion reflect on a woman who's life included heroin abuse, alcohol abuse, abusive relationships and died at 44. The line between libert...
4 comments
Read more

A Fog

  If you've never been in a fog so thick that you can't see where to go, to read it sounds like a flight of fancy. I've been in such a fog as a young man driving home. You're creeping along a highway hoping what you're taking for a white line means something. Simultaneously, you're desperately eyes locked on the road ahead and fearing what might be coming up behind you. For some reason you feel compelled to get to the safety of home. Adam was in such a fog.   Adam had walked most of the way to Nod with his son Cain. To lose one son was a misery too great to bear. To never see the other again made it a journey he'd had to take. That was days ago and he'd been following the sun and the stars West back to Eve, his garden, and his dogs. The fog had begun lightly that morning with the path closed in but clear. Now he was on his knees looking as the path clearly split. Perhaps the Y would rejoin itself just a bit down the way. Perhaps one simply ended beyond w...
Post a Comment
Read more

Place your bets

  Adam was filling his water tank. More exactly, Adam was draining his water tank onto the compost pile while the rain was filling it and threatening to overflow the tank. Spring is a complicated time. Early spring is a dance with winter. Plant out too early and the plants will die or go into shock and actually take longer to grow. The spinach which poked up is great for an evening salad but it might stunt the onions it surrounds if allowed to grow too much. Leave the water tank to fill and overflow and the adjacent wood chips will wash down the hill. Leave the the drain open you capture no water for the dry weeks ahead. - Time to check the tank level. He put his hat on and walk in the rain.    The rain had been gentle and steady. Even with the drain open there was some overflow but nothing disastrous. Adam thought of the line from that sitcom long in the future, Mad About You. The wife is trying to get the husband to admit he was wrong. After many iterations he finally s...
Post a Comment
Read more

Tommy the Turtle tours Tulsa

  As I slowed for the stoplight on the 4 lane I was inspired. The gym had been drudgery. To be done and now done. The library didn't have the book I was looking for but I grabbed some others. But there, there at the edge of the lane, making one of those comical steps that turtles make, was a small turtle raising his foot to triumphantly step on the white finish-line. I broke into a smile sharing in his Olympic moment. As traffic started to move I thought about jumping out to move him to the grass on the shoulder. But would that confuse him and cause him to turn around?! I looked in the mirror as I drove away. No one was being an idiot and driving over the line. The little guy was trudging off no fist pumps or premature celebrations for him just steady doing it. Me, I drove the rest of the way home smiling and thinking Yeah, just yeah!  This morning he came by the house. Or at least I think it was him, tough to tell with turtles. I did the math we're a good bit from the proverb...
Post a Comment
Read more

GARDENER ON THE ROOF

     The two most important things in making pesto are, get a food processor and don't get caught licking the bowl. I'm trying to take the high road here. You know the one about it's not what happens to you but your reaction that matters. It's been a hot and humid spring into summer and August is days away. I might go down hugging my air conditioner but damn it, I will adapt. I don't have to have the shower 1st thing in the morning. I can get up earlier and nibble at the garden work. And yeah, cutting and freezing onions and making pesto aren't technically garden work. They are however garden adjacent, do need to be done and importantly inside work.    Don't get me wrong. I am the luckiest man in the world and a piece of that is my garden. Even if I chose to move that garden a zone further south and a million percent higher humidity. I will adapt and acclimate. It just takes time. 'sides no matter where you live you're always making pesto in hot weat...
Post a Comment
Read more

Three Little Birds

  It's Saturday the day before Mother's day so I'll start with a little eye candy for the ladies.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8nm_jvE_Xs   Jake is essentially the MSNBC (vs say Fox) version of the youtube movie I shared last time "Back to Eden" which emphasizes wood chip based gardening.  While the whole video is worth watching I especially liked his gardening philosophy which he touches on around the 10 minute mark.   Got to jump off topic (quelle surprise!) Jimmy Cliff has me boogieing to Let Your Yeah Be Yeah https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDp_7kSli0w   Jake's 'just start making mistakes' philosophy is akin to my own.  I can't tell you how many gardening books (Permaculture books are the worst) devote chapter after chapter to 'creating your plan'.  Yeah I would have killed a lot fewer plants and my fruit trees would have been planted years ago not to mention a quality watering system.  No doubt people with 5 year life plans ...
3 comments
Read more