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The Tail of Jake & Melissa

Others could probably tell you more about the feud between Jane and the Johnsons. I guess I can best tell you about the part regarding Jake and Melissa. To call it a feud is really to describe how little goes on around here. Jane always called it her feud but I doubt the Johnsons even knew that Jane was upset.
 See Jane was one of those long legged beauties who liked things just so. She had her farm stand out on the highway and everything about it was - well, just so. The stand was filled with tomatoes and onions and whatever else was in season but it was famous for it's sweet blue corn, which Jane grew. Perhaps it was just the corn or it coulda been Jane's long legs and smooth French accent that filled the parking to overflow in the sweet corn season. See that was the crux of it. The Johnsons piled the edge of their corn field with old tires and junk of every description. "RIGHT BEHIND HER PARKING!" Oh sure Jane asked 'em to clean it up when she first opened the stand. After a time with the pile only growing Jane fumed silently and tried to landscape it out of sight. During most of the summer if folks pulled right up to the stand it was hidden but with sweet corn season the crowd "had to walk right by it" and Jane would swear under her breathe.
 And then there was "that dog", Jake. Well that's what the stand's employees came to call him as no one knew if the Johnsons ever had given him a name or what it was. He came 'bout every day to visit with Melissa, Jane's golden retriever who was also an undeniable beauty more blonde than golden. The Johnsons had gotten Jake as a farm dog. The pound was giving away a litter of 'border collies' but I think the pound was calling every breed a border collie that year. So, Jake mighta had some border collie in him but I always thought he looked more lab, kind of like a black lab in a tuxedo. Good looking little guy but never much for farm work. He'd eat breakfast with the other dogs and than just sorta wander off and go dig holes or roll in something that smelled good, or go visit Melissa.
 Melissa took her mistress's view on males, she was always polite and tolerated their advances but mostly thought they were too rough and smelled bad. OK well, sometimes Melissa thought Jake smelled - interesting and he did know all the good places they could hunt for mice. Jake even showed Melissa where the dead elk was decaying and they rolled in it real good and brought back a leg bone to the farm stand. Jane was not amused and ran Jake off and threw the leg in the dumpster. Most times though Jake and Melissa just curled up in some warm spot and took pats and the occasional cookie from the tourists, till it was time for Jake to go 'home' to get his share of the evening meal at the Johnsons and sleep with the pack in the barn.
 By the time I got there everything was pretty much over. It certainly was a dumb idea. It wasn't sweet corn season so I doubt there was a $30 in the register but people do dumb things. Pulling a gun on Jane cost that fellow two years and a couple of stitches. As I understand it he pulled the gun on Jane in the parking lot just as Jake and Melissa came back from hunting mice. Musta been the fear he saw 'cause Jake tore off in a hard sprint, leaping and throwing his full weight into the fellow. Accounts differ but either Jake tore the gun outta the fellows hand or it went loose as he hit his head on the ground. Anyway, when I got there Jane had the gun pointed at the fellow and Jake was doing his best 'make my day' lip curl.
 Jane asked me to bring Jake back over to the Johnsons and thank them for what he'd done. So after taking the prisoner to the doctors and the county jail I ended up at the Johnsons. At first they were a little confused about who's dog Jake was and if I was telling them they were going to get sued but it ended up pretty good. Seein' an opportunity I told 'em they probably wouldn't get sued by Jane if they cleaned up the corner of the property of all those tires. And if they sold Jake to Jane all legal like the fellow couldn't sue them for his injuries. But, it would have to be a legal sale. I'd have to get Jane to give them something like - say, a bag of her blue seed corn. Mr Johnson squinted and started to dicker. Mrs Johnson looked at him and said "that sounded just fine to them."
 On the way back to the farm stand to seal the deal I stopped by the pets store and got one of those be rawhide bones as long as your arm they sell around Christmas. I figured he'd earned it. Jake carried that thing around the farm stand for a month bumping into people and knocking things over. Jane and Melissa winced but he was a good boy so.........
  Oh most of the tires got moved.

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