Heck, just breathe

 We live in the blink of an eye for a universe they say is 13 billion years old. It's two in the morning and I could sleep but before I do I'd like to write this. Then I'll do what is next, sleep.

 It was a couple of nights ago, the wind was fierce my side and back were aching and sleep was not an option it, was a prayer. We get these fierce winds in Colorado and I've never been comfortable with them. I'll lay awake as the wind howls waiting for a branch to smash through the window or the roof to fly off like one of those surreal video clips you see on the news. For a person who likes a good apocalypse story you'd think this would be just a sleep through event. Perhaps it bothers me that I might die in such a pedantic way. No vainglorious tragedy of the ages told and retold for generations. Just a branch through the eye from the maple tree falling on the house. The news would barely cover it as more than a lead-in to the weather. "How 'bout that wind last night Lauren".

 The pain in my back and side was both mysterious and not. I had tried everything pills, lotions. I'd even scared the crap out of Deb by allowing that I might go to a doctor. As I laid there I recalled pieces of two books I was reading buddha's office & THE EXTENDED MIND. Both excellent books and worth the read but with no real common theme except that which I chose to conjure in my mind, sleep. The nexus was mindful breathing. Not as some cure for the back but a distraction that would allow sleep to creep in. It's said that the mind can't focus on more than one thing. Sorry, all you multi-taskers you're really just switching back and forth between things and tiring you brain out in the process. Focusing, really focusing on your breathing doesn't leave room for flying roofs, pain or anything else. BUT it's bloody tough to do!

 Monkey mind is a term I've heard from Eastern medative types for years. It simply means if you plan to meditate you will positively think of every other possible thing in the world and thus stop your mind from focusing. World peace & politics, that SOB who lives down the street, everything you need to do tomorrow and on and on. That was me. OK, focus on feeling your breath as you breathe in and feel it in a way that extends all the way to your big toe on the left foot. Now breathe out - OK good good! Now the next toe - why doesn't that toe have a name? Maybe the 'long toe', wait - focus. Breathe in, feel your breath extend down to your 'long toe' - boy that's going to catch on - stop. Think about the breath. OK good good now in, out, focus, good. OK, wait I've finished the left foot's toes should I go up the leg or should I jump over to the right foot. You know I really should write a brief note to City Council about the telephone poles there is a real opportunity there. Wait, stop! Focus breathing, remember. That's how it went fits and starts. But unlike so many attempts at self improvement it's pretty easy to get back to doing 'the right thing' when all that it is, is breathing in and breathing out. Heck you can probably even remember which body part you were on.

 I was somewhere around my back in the process when a hurricane force gust whistled through the maple out front. Nope, no lead-in for the weather girl just a thought. Maybe the earth was doing it's mindful breathing. I know whoo whoo crazy, time to move to an ashram in Boulder, but it gave my peace. When I woke the next morning I was tired and sore but just tired and sore. They say when you get old having something be sore doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong. It's December in the garden not winter yet and so too my body. Heck, if I make it to 125 it's really just June for me.

 Winter does begin in that endless cycle in just a couple of weeks, but it is a cycle. It's easy to forget that spring will come when all the green things are disappearing. The tomatoes are down to a handful on the counter and only winter tomatoes. Red and pretty but no real flavor. The onions and garlic have seasoned meals but they too are diminished. Thankfully, the butternut squash will sweeten and last through till early spring to remind me why I garden. As will all the apples, fruit, and tomatoes Deb has canned, sauced, frozen and dried. It's not time for the hungry season yet and we'll work to shrink our need to rely on Safeway but it's just up the street.

 Today was a beautiful day if short in sunshine to work in. I did hit a lick in the garden and even with a late twinge from the back it felt good to spread some compost, prune and clean. Work in the garden is always for tomorrow, tomorrow but the actual work is in the moment and very medative. The garden is sleeping now and after I step out back to look up at Orion I'm going to go do the same.

 Is this just a cycle for the world economy, politics, heck the universe. Are we just an old hunter walking his dog past a long fenced bull. A blink to be recycled. Sure a hungry season is coming but Safeway's just up the street.  

 The garden catalogs should start arriving soon. Deb calls them garden porn so my dreams will be of sweet melons and figs and maybe a few other things.