Skip to main content

Forever

 When you listen to enough Country music I guess it's natural that the songs begin to describe your life. Now in my mind I think of myself as in my 20's a 70's outlaw country fan. Ah the good old days Willie, Waylon, and the Boys will ride forever - but the modern stuff has more than a few artists worth a listen. Luke Combs is one with his song " Forever ". His song being something of a bookend thematically with Carly Pearce's "Didn't Do". My life is changing and confusing these days but damn the music's good. Well, my CDs are packed up at the moment so I'm relying on YouTube. Thus the music is good with lots of commercial interruptions!

 When I owned apartments I was often faced with the decision of of 'how good of a repair' did I want to pay for. Quite often I erred on the side of fixing it like I'd 'own it forever'. That wasn't always the perfect choice but it does leave you feeling good about who you are. I carried this philosophy with notable exceptions to other areas of my life. It was certainly useful in gardening. 

 My raised beds in the garden started as temporary solutions with what I could afford and had on hand. Yet, when I had the opportunity to choose, I chose to build with stone, it lasts! When I planted my first rows of food they were annuals with seeds others had shared with me. A few years in I found myself planting fruit trees and perennials. In some ways that temporary to permanent planting of roots is illogical. You waste a lot of time by not starting with the slowest to grow. Wasted in the sense that a garden is some sort of end result, a destination, not a way to travel. The waste of not focusing on forever is doubly illogical when I reflect that every garden I have ever left has been torn up by the next to own the property. Buddhists see impermanence as a fundamental element of life and denying it as the cause of suffering. Yes, but, there is something soul satisfying in building something for the ages, IF you can also remember that what you are building is merely a sand castle. The tide will come and tomorrow you can build again - forever. 

 Deb and I have decided to sell our house of these last 20 plus years. We're leaving our Colorado, 40 years each of the mountains, Columbines, Cherry Creek and the Platte. We're selling all those cheap patches and forever fixes. Selling the garden that has fed us so well all these years and leaving Colorado our family and friends. Yesterday I packed my seeds in a small box. I'm crying like this mean something as I write this, damn that impermanence thing! Ah it's probably just the damned song has changed to a sad one. Stupid YouTube!

 Yesterday was Holocaust Remembrance day and I'd like to offer two disparate  thoughts. First, after each of the all too many mass shootings one of the questions always raised is "How did they get the gun?". How did a child, how did a clearly deranged person... who gave the baby a gun! Perhaps, each year we can use the day to ask the question who gave the politician a gun. Has history not forever shown that politicians should not be given a license to carry. No I don't have a solution to how to unwind 'their nukes but not mine' or how to deal with evil and aggression. I'm only asking we individually think hard - look into the possible future each time we are asked to give the politician a gun.

 The second thought is from my reading Sam Zell's book 'Am I being Too Subtle'. It is beyond hackneyed to use the phrase 'the last train out'. Yet, Mr Zell's parents did exactly that in the least hackneyed way possible. They took the last train out of Poland as Germany invaded. I don't know a good source to read all the details but it is worth whatever time you need to spend to read as much about it as you possible can. It is a tale beyond anything a Hollywood script writer could spin. It has a Japanese diplomat, descendant of a Samurai, disobeying orders and saving both Mr Zell's parents and approximately 6000 other Jews fleeing. It has his Dad pleading with family friends and neighbors to listen to what he sees coming and leave. The train itself is routed and rerouted around the blitzkrieg and that is just the beginning of their 2 year journey. Imagine the moments, the choices, the fear and tears the very real human drama. Evolution is pragmatic, Fight and flight are hard-wired in as only the survivors pass on their genes. Sam Zell was born in 1941 in Chicago.

 Deb and I won't be traveling through a war so surely we can handle a little change. It is beyond hackneyed to break up with a lover like Colorado by saying "it's not you but me". Yet no matter the motivation for moving no one wants to hear the bitter explanations of "it's not you but - but really it's you!" Thus I'll leave on the song by Carly Pearce and write again not from Eden just the next place I can put a root in the ground. Be safe. Doug A.

 

 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

After the Garden

  Those of you who know me know I hover somewhere between Catholic and agnostic. Thus when I say there are surprisingly few words about Adam in the Bible, you know I had to look to check. If you need to check it yourself go ahead you'll see. A little about how he came to be, a touch about Eve, a bit about that garden thing and then on to what the kids did. Really, I expected a lot more!   I mean what about that day Adam was sitting outside the garden fence thwacking a stick against a tree?! He was just thinking, I don't want any more sadness God. Yeah, yeah I know it's your plan and I'm not supposed to question it but your plan sucks! He flipped his middle finger towards heaven. As he did a hummingbird who had become blind landed on it. Yeah, see that's what I mean God. How am I supposed to fix this? Sure I can name it and that's fun but how can I fix the pain in the world?  Look at the old garden! It's an overgrown jungle. I need pruners, saws and a shovel...

Eating hope

 Adam sat in the sun huddled under a blanket Eve had knitted. Scattered to his right and left a sketch of his new garden and a half dozen seed catalogs. Eve called these his garden porn. To grow a garden you have to guess the future and act in the present. Importantly, that begins with a guess. Some parts were clear; the average last frost, which plants could survive frost, the needed indoor start time for those and the later plants. That schedule had to be married to the best guess of what he wanted to grow and what might grow, again a guess. Once past the guessing a brief bit of pleasure gathering the seeds and ordering what was missing.   Adam looked at the sketch and knew from past experience this was about as good as his garden would look. Sure there might be some unexpected wins, a seed or plant that surprised. The unexpected wins would be more than offset by bad weather, pests, or just hopes that never blossomed. Poppies make heroin. Hope is like heroin. Last year ...

A Fog

  If you've never been in a fog so thick that you can't see where to go, to read it sounds like a flight of fancy. I've been in such a fog as a young man driving home. You're creeping along a highway hoping what you're taking for a white line means something. Simultaneously, you're desperately eyes locked on the road ahead and fearing what might be coming up behind you. For some reason you feel compelled to get to the safety of home. Adam was in such a fog.   Adam had walked most of the way to Nod with his son Cain. To lose one son was a misery too great to bear. To never see the other again made it a journey he'd had to take. That was days ago and he'd been following the sun and the stars West back to Eve, his garden, and his dogs. The fog had begun lightly that morning with the path closed in but clear. Now he was on his knees looking as the path clearly split. Perhaps the Y would rejoin itself just a bit down the way. Perhaps one simply ended beyond w...

Bleeping grackles

 I've just spent the last 15 minutes searching bird guides on-line and on paper to try to figure out what is nesting in the grape arbor.  It looks like a nuthatch or wren that has dressed to go to work for UPS.  It's incredibly tiny and quite cute but clearly not one to be pushed around.  When I first saw it at the beginning of summer it was trying to take over a bird house I had created out of an old boot.  Some chickadees had moved in and I was thrilled to see the house used.  The chickadees had dutifully carried a boots worth of material from the yard to their nest.  At a moment when both the male and female were out collecting material my little UPS bird 'discovered' the boot.  He sat at the hole pulling material out.  Clearly their tastes in furnishings were different you could almost see him (her?) shaking his head "this straw with those drapes - come on!".  The chickadees returned and a battle royal ensued with it ending with two ...

Atlas Pooped!

   Adam sat with his back to 'The Garden' fence and looked up at the predawn moon. He saw Sirius (the dog constellation) plainly but what was the name of that next constellation? Eve had named it and traced with her finger the bow and the belt. The belt, yeah, yeah, Orion! Orion walked with his Sirius on cold mornings as he had with his own dogs. He'd have to get home soon and walk 'em. A cool wind rang The Garden chimes urging him to move.  The peace and the beauty begged him to stay. He'd dally.   The new garden was slowly coming together. The raised beds were laid out some with permanent stone walls some with whatever was available. Soil had been scarce or more exactly worms and bugs were scarce. They'd come and were slowly showing up, 'tho not always the good ones first! Thus what he'd planted was thin and haphazard. Better something to eat than nothing. A couple of pears, a nectarine, and a fig, with hope for the future but nothing for tonight'...

Taste like cucumber

I've got to start us off with Waylon Jennings' classic.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kxll2-th4Gc Deb and I went down to our cabin in the mountains for the Memorial weekend.  More exactly we went down to our tiny RV on the property next to the cabin.  The cabin floor is close to finished and thus the bed and all are stuffed in the bathroom awaiting warm weather and the final coat of shellac.  A 20' RV two adults and two dogs makes for close quarters, especially when it starts raining.  That said there is something quite wonderful about playing rummy 500 by lantern light with Deb.  It's way too easy in a marriage to get to plinking along in your little path and forget how nice it is to have a wife you love. I suggested to Deb that although the RV is getting on 40 years old we could probably get a pretty penny for it if we marketed it as a marital therapy tool.  (therapy dogs extra!)   Being a gardener I have sprinkled some seeds as the cabin h...

The tomatoes are red the gardener is blue

 I'm stuck in a loop. I think that's what software programmers call it. I know the roots of this hopelessness are firmly planted in the utter destruction of our cabin and property in the forest fire that I alluded to in the last blog's prologue. Knowing the source of a polluted stream doesn't really help if your just wallowing in it. It's the wallowing that is the loop. A sporadic series of should haves and could haves that leave you so second guessed out that I've got little mental energy to accomplish all but the littlest things. Musically speaking I got da blues!   The music is Billie Holiday - Lady in Autumn.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Npoe5XeeMYE&list=PLbYb5_Imn1rsDMoIU38jxi_O0aRaYj4CG 'cause given my mood - well, it was the obvious choice.   If you're a libertarian like me it's hard not to on occasion reflect on a woman who's life included heroin abuse, alcohol abuse, abusive relationships and died at 44. The line between libert...

Eat Pray Love

    Adam woke, to a sense of clarity. He felt like the the threads of the universe were connecting through his body. Every bird was sitting while he identified their call. Every word that he read fit like a puzzle piece in his mind. The air itself seemed more, more right. A manic morning and a time to avoid sharp tools? The pleasant hangover of a evening alone with Eve? Inhale deeply the morning air but tread lightly. The future was not mans to know! He no longer lived in The Garden. Yet he felt he could touch it. His arm, almost not his, reaching through a gossamer veil touching... Not the future, not truth, not any word that small more - je ne sais pas... more.   The peas were popping and the garlic and onions were reviving from their winter trials. So it was spring or perhaps a false spring as tomorrow would allow March to announce itself as either a lamb or a lion. But what would a wise man do on a perfect spring day. On a day when he could feel the universe coursing...

Place your bets

  Adam was filling his water tank. More exactly, Adam was draining his water tank onto the compost pile while the rain was filling it and threatening to overflow the tank. Spring is a complicated time. Early spring is a dance with winter. Plant out too early and the plants will die or go into shock and actually take longer to grow. The spinach which poked up is great for an evening salad but it might stunt the onions it surrounds if allowed to grow too much. Leave the water tank to fill and overflow and the adjacent wood chips will wash down the hill. Leave the the drain open you capture no water for the dry weeks ahead. - Time to check the tank level. He put his hat on and walk in the rain.    The rain had been gentle and steady. Even with the drain open there was some overflow but nothing disastrous. Adam thought of the line from that sitcom long in the future, Mad About You. The wife is trying to get the husband to admit he was wrong. After many iterations he finally s...

Sandcastles

  Hey all, I am literally surrounded by life. The window in front of my desk looks out to my garden. The garden is lush green with knee high garlic and potato-onions, flowering arugula and crimson clover, along with second runs of spinach and cilantro getting ready to pick. Beside me under a grow light is a tray of tiny tomatoes, eggplant, peppers, sage, melons and squash. Lord the squash! Thinking the seed was old I heavily over seeded the little pots. I should be so vigorous in my old age. The thinning will be a problem but that is for another day. For now I needed to clear the pile of seed packets off the laptop and write. Write while Deb pulls dinner and a batch of cookies together in the kitchen and the dogs settle from our walk.  Yup, surrounded by life but on a maudlin day. Last night and this morning was strong rain and the rest of the day has been a heavy grey overcast. It is the day before Easter which by Christian tradition is a day of joy. The Gospel accounts which...